Sunday, August 29, 2004

Internet Scrabble!

For some reason, I keep looking for things to do online. (I guess I really want to distract myself...I really should be studying for the JITSE though.)

Saturday, August 28, 2004

The Dictatorship of Stone-Cold Bison

I've known about for a while, but only recently decided to give it a try. (Mostly because I got bored while waiting for my Kingdom of Loathing turns to regenerate.)

Life-Changing Events

"Life-changing events" would think I'm about to speak of something like a natural disaster, getting married or quitting my job, something that would create a profound change in my life.

No, I'm going to talk about something a bit less dramatic, but it has had a profound effect on me nonetheless. I don't talk about these things that often, but hey, what use is a blog if you can't use it as an outlet, right?

I'm in love. Yup, I am. Whereas I previously considered myself as someone strong enough to be emotionally independent from other people, I find myself now thinking about a certain person constantly, worried about how she is, having my mood depend on how she interacts with me, and generally acting quite nervously around her. I won't mention her name, but I will say I've known her for a bit of time now, and it took me a while to reconcile the desires of my heart and the objections of my mind; but today I am sure: I love her.

This sort of thing is really not my style, I normally don't like to speak of romantic ideals or anything, so I'll cut to the chase. She knows, I told her. And her response? Well, it was less than what I wanted, but more than I expected. In her own words: "I'm not closing any doors on you, but I'm not leaving any windows open either." She wants us to be friends, she doesn't want me to court her, she says if she feels something for me somewhere along the way, then that's it; if not, then too bad.

Now, I'm generally stupid about this sort of thing myself, so to be honest, I have no idea how to proceed. I want to pursue something with her, but for now, I really have no choice but to settle for building a friendship and hope that fate gives me a chance some day. (It seems I have a tendency to rely on fate for such things...)

I guess the main reason I'm blogging this is that I realize it's brought about a change in my life...and I want to remember it. I want to remember that this is the time I changed, and that she was the reason why.

How did I change? For one thing, I seem to have gotten back a whole lot friendlier, and also a whole lot moodier. She brought out my gloomy side again - the side of me that's logical and analytical. He seldom needs to come out because I can usually rely on my normal self to handle things. But this whole issue with her -- I have no idea how to handle it, so gloomy side comes out. Except he has no idea what to do either. It isn't exactly a problem well-suited to logical analysis, and it frustrates me so much that something I feel so strongly about could be so out of my control.

Two things have happened as a result of this, basically: one, I'm more open to people now; and two, I spent some time thinking about love and life, and my life in general, where I want to go and what I want to do. I think I learned a lot about myself; maybe I'll write about it one of these days.

For now, I just want to remember that she is the reason I'm feeling this way...

August's End

It's been a while, I got a lot to say, some personal things, some random stuff from the internet. Let's start with the easy stuff, random linkage:

  • First up, the Kingdom of Loathing, it's an online Stickman RPG! It's MMO (well, not really massive), it's wacky, and you can be a pastamancer! It currently amuses me...and I hate waiting to get more turns! My account there is "hungry roy"

  • It's Quentin Tarantino's diary! Or is it? You be the judge!

  • I was bored, and wanted something to happen with this blog, so I decided to submit it to Rice Bowl's some sort of community for webloggers of Asian descent. I'm of Asian descent, right?

  • I have some gmail invites. Ask me for one if you're interested, even if I don't know you, for some reason (maybe I'll talk about it in the next post, even), I feel like making friends. (Where to ask? Try the comments.)

Sunday, August 01, 2004

New Hardware

Spent some cash this weekend. First thing was a 256 Mb Kingston flash drive. Nothing too complicated, just something to transfer MP3s to and from work with. =)

Next up was a digital camera. A Kodak CX6330 to be exact. We had been planning to buy one for a while. Pics? Not now. Funny story though. There was this promo where we could get a P5000 discount (less than US$100) if we could show a receipt for P200 worth of Pampers (a local brand of baby diapers) I had to explain to people why in the world I was carrying around some diapers...