Yesterday, at around 6 PM, as I was winding up the day's work, we received a request from the user that they wanted some maintenance work done on one of the more obscure programs. And they needed it the next day! And we still had to have a meeting (we had originally scheduled the meeting for 3:00PM but had to keep pushing it due to stuff coming up) I wanted to reach out across the internet and slap whoever made the maintenance request on the head. End result: Most of us went home a bit before 12, the meeting never pushed through, and I called in for half-day sick leave today because of a freakin' headache.

"If history is to change, let it change!
If the world is to be destroyed, so be it!
If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh."
- Magus, Chrono Trigger

For as long as I have known about it, I have always liked this quote. It speaks of a certain ferocity, a certain stubbornness, a firm, unbending belief that whatever life throws at you, you will be able to not only handle it, but laugh in the face of its absurdity. This is how I would want my life to be; to be able to face any kind of adversity and address it without pause.

Enough rambling, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Roy, and this is my blog. Programmer, engineer, scientist, critic, gamer, dreamer, and kid-at-heart. I always thought I would find it preferable to code my own version of a blog, but time constraints have made me look for a simple, easy-to-use alternative. For now, I guess this blog becomes my main outlet to the internet. (Aside from email of course)

Hmmm...maybe I'll have more to say later. Until then, may the fates be kind to you.

10 Aug 2002

I turned 24 yesterday.

Generally uneventful birthday, as usual. I'm glad I got the whining done in the last post. Spent the night before at David's (whose birthday is a couple of days before mine). Dave, Mon and I played approximately seven hours of CvS2, watched a Jet Li flick then played around eight hours of Warcraft III. WC3 is the bomb! (And it further highlights my craving for a new computer) Anyway, went home the next morning, got some sleep. Then the usual birthday food in the evening, and some new pants.

I had forgotten to go to Church that morning (curse you Warcraft III!!!) so I decided to go to Church this morning. Before going I was stiull a bit down about being a 24-year old bum, but somehow going to Church gave me back a bit of hope. Funny how although I'm not a very good practicing Catholic, a few quiet moments with God are enough to change my perspective on things.

In any case, this is the start of a new year, hopefully one better than the last. I don't know where fate will take me this year, but I will face life with open arms, overcome all challenges and spit in the face of destiny. All things happen for a purpose, hopefully soon i will know mine.

07 Aug 2002

I'm pissed off.

Today I went to Ortigas for a job interview with a nameless IT company where my cousin Rachel works. I was quite optimistic too -- the position was for a "Java Trainee." I was more than willing to be trained, and a trainee position meant you didn't have to be proficient in Java right? Turns out I was wrong. =( Apparently
they needed someone with some experience in Java, preferably with a project or two under his belt. I tried to convince the interviewer that I had a lot of raw talent and learn pretty fast anyway, but I haven't got any high hopes. That pissed me off.

Even worse, I had gone to Ortigas with just enough cash to make the trip back and forth. I had left a good two hundred bucks at home 'coz I forgot to pick 'em up and put 'em in my wallet. I was thinking of trying out the arcade version of Capcom vs SNK 2, maybe buying a CD or two. But no! Now I couldn't even grab a bite
on the way home. That pissed me off.

Later that night, my mother was watching "While You Were Sleeping", and I was feeling so depressed I was wondering what would happen if I ended up like Sandra Bullock at the start of the movie -- alone, and working a dead end job as a ticket seller. Sigh

It's not just the fact that I'm still unemployed -- it's been a good nine months now and I've kinda gotten used to that. It's the realization that despite whatever work I've done in school, I can't get a job. It's as if everything I learned in college was useless.

When I was finishing up in UP, everything seemed simple -- I'd graduate and all my troubles would be over. I'd get a job at maybe Canon or Intel, save a bit, buy a new computer and a PS2, et cetera. To tell the truth I was probably spoiled by those
teachers that kept telling us that simply being graduates of the State University was good enough to land a job. I ought to sue those teachers for mental anguish or something. I graduated from one of the hardest course at one of the best universities in the country, and I can't land a job. Gosh darn it all.

After thinking about this, I thought I'd evaluate my own skills to see what could be done. Lemme see, I can do:

• Embedded software. Since I did two thesis-level projects involving embedded software, I reckon I'm fairly good at this. The problem is that I've only come across one job opportunity where this skill would be useful, and I never got a callback (and
  I thought it was a pretty good job for me too.)
  
• Programming. This would be great, until I acknowledge that while I'm a programming genius, I don't actually have any application-level programming experience under my belt. I'm good a coding, optimizing programs, finding solutions to tough problems, but I've never been part of a large-scale software project, even though I could probably do it all myself, in theory.
  
• Web Development. I know HTML and various scripting languages, can use Macromedia Dreamweaver and Flash, what can't I do? The problem comes up again: I know it all in theory, but lack the experience. It's not like I'm churning out webpages at a dime a
  dozen, and most places looking for web developers ask for some level of experience. Curses.
  
• Write. Or at least I like to think I can. But it doesn't sound very profitable to be writing for a living...
  

Sigh, that's it. Pretty sad, huh? The main problem seems to be most of what I can do is self-taught and relies on my raw talent instead of actual experience. What is it with the world? Why can't they just recognize my genius and overlook my lack of
experience? I learn impossibly fast anyway, anything I don't know I can pick up quickly. Argh.

Oh well, at least now I feel better, having put my thoughts into words. This journal thing is probably really healthy for me. I get to whine without burdening anyone with my problems.

There's still some hope, at least. Sir Louie, the ECE guy Tito Ferry set me up with, said he'd ask around, although he did recommend I learn a few more skills by taking some short courses at APC, an IT school near SM North. I'm a bit hesistant about
that though -- short courses will undoubtedly cost money, and I don't want to bother my parents about cash any more than I have to. It's bad enough I can't help them make ends meet...

Anything else? Lately we've been watching Excel Saga (ridiculosuly funny! Pedro!!!) and Scryed. AXN is showing two new anime series: Ayashi no Ceres and Gensomaden Saiyuki. And they brought back Monday night anime, so more anime all around. Oh
yeah, the A/V cable for our PSX is apparently busted. Which probably explains why I got rather pissed off today. Just when I was gonna get adult Rei back into the party! Without the PSX to distract me, I had no choice but to face my real-world problems
=(

In any case, I guess I have no choice but to keep going and hope for the best. I got a nice quote today from Castaway, from Tom Hanks of all people:

"I know now I have to keep on breathing. Because the sun will rise tomorrow, and you never know what the tide will bring."

03 Jul 2002

Sometimes my still being unemployed depresses me greatly (Although my periods of depression typically last no more than thirty minutes.)

The biggest problem in my job-hunting woes is the fact that the type of job I want varies greatly from what I have training in. I want to be involved in IT or programming, but I don't have a lot of the skills necessary to succeed in those fields. I will probably always regret not shifting to Computer Science or even Computer Engineering early on in college. If I had I would've probably had a much easier time.

In any case, I'm going for an interview with Texas instruments on Friday. The job is not an optimum one for me -- I don't really want to work as a product engineer although I am qualified. (Heck the chances of my being accepted are probably too small for me to even consider -- I have the requirements but I'm sure a lot more qualified people will be applying. I'll have to wow 'em with my incorrigible attitude). But the pay is probably good, it involves overseas training and if I get accepted it'll mean I have something to do in the meantime as I try to earn the skills needed for a job that I _would_ enjoy.

Hopefully the TI guys never read this. O_o

01 Jul 2002

Well I finally decided to start a full-blown web journal. I used to keep one some years ago -- I think it greatly helped me develop my english skills. Or not. Anyway, I tend to run my mouth off for paragraphs at a time anyway, and so many things run through my head at any given time it probably makes sense to put down at least some of it on paper (or in a computer at least.)

Anyway, I decided to make over this site because nothing much of anything else has been happening around here lately. With Mon in town, the two of us and David have been spending every other day at David's wonderful airconditioned room playing Capcom vs SNK 2 and Final Fantasy X. Mon mentioned that modded PS2's are now able to play copied PS1 discs, so it's probably a good time to buy one now. Assuming of course, that I have cash.

I'm still for the most part unemployed. Oh who am I kidding, I'm still a bum. Or "employment challenged." Whatever. At least Mon and David aren't working either. =P I really need a job -- seeing as how I really want both a new computer and a PS2. In fact, I'm already seriously considering a call center job, however dead-end it may seem.

Another time.

Review -- Hoshigami: Ruining Blue Earth

First off, I haven't finished the game yet, I'm somewhere in Chapter 5. I stopped playing the game a month or so ago out of sheer irritation.

For the uninitiated, H:RBE is a tactical RPG for the PSX, released during the last year the PSX. The game is similar in some respects to games like Final Fantasy Tactics and Tactics Ogre, with an emphasis on turn-based squad-level combats. Unlike FFT and TO's similar Active Time system, H:RBE uses a system called RAP, where each character can perform as many actions as he wants provided he still has the RAP gauge to pay for it. The more RAP you use, the sooner your next turn comes, and vice versa. I bought this game hoping it would be at least comparable to either FFT or TO. Was I disappointed? Read on.
The Good:

* RAP. RAP is good. The fact that you get to decide how to allocate your time, and the fact that you can control when your characters get to act. This is good.
* Shoot. Shoot is good, a nice ability that adds a different tactical angle to the game, emphasizing the importance of position.
* Session. Since Shoot is good, it follows that Session must be good.
* Difficulty. Yes, difficulty is good, to a certain extent. Hoshigami brings a new level of difficulty to the table that we didn't get to have in the ridiculously easy FFT. Veteran gamers were looking for a level of difficulty closer to that of the old favorite, Tactics Ogre. The game's difficulty is actually still good (albeit good on the masochistic side) but the actual difficulty is overshadowed by the fact that it's _tedious_. Read on.

The Bad:

* Lack of variation. You basically have only five things to do: attack, shoot, move, cast spells or use items. And spells do only one of three things: deal/heal damage, or create/heal status or break equipment. Where's the Haste spell? Protection spells?
* Long battles. The lack of variation wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to endure it for hours at a time.
* No saving between successive battles. That was a bad, bad, design boo-boo. You've been fighting for hours on end, and you're almost finished, when a lucky archer drops the bomb on Elena.
* Bad AI. You know what I'm talking about. Archers who don't understand the trajectory of their weapons. Enemies who kill each other. Soldiers who attack even if the hit chance is 0%.
* Unforgiving design. Permanent death. Underlevelled party has no chance against higher level party. Masses of enemies thrown at you. It's like the designers decided that instead of simply working on tactically challenging battles, they would throw lots of enemies at you, at higher levels than you would expect and hope that you have the tactical ability to overcome this. It was a good idea except for the fact that LOW-LEVEL CHARACTERS STAND NO CHANCE AGAINST HIGH-LEVEL CHARACTERS. Even if you're only two levels behind, your damage and hit rate become so pitiful that you simply won't survive one-on-one, what more two-on-one. The game would've been 300 times better if either a) story battles had the same level as you; or b) The number of units on each side are comparable. As it is, the only real reliable way to win in battles is through either Coinfeigms or leveling-up. Which wouldn't be so bad except that...
* Levelling-up is tedious. Since you will almost never meet enemies in the Towers who are at the same level as yours, you're stuck fighting lower level goons while occasionally hitting yourselves for EXP. And not only that...
* Levelling up Coinfeigms is tedious. Yes it is. The interface is so bad; every time you engrave your coin, you must go back to the top of the list of seals and look for the seal again. Given that you often want to engrave your coins multiple times with the same seals, the game becomes unnecessarily tedious. Adding to this is the "random" factor involved in engraving. I'm sure during development it seemed like a neat concept and all, but in practice all it means is that you have to occasionally save in-between engravings.
* Deity/DEV system. Good idea, poor execution. Some of the abilities are simply worthless, and some are strictly better. You will seldom need to change your abilities around. Status-enhancing abilities are generally useless at 10%, slightly better at 25%. Champion sounded cool, except in practice you never want to have anyone with low HP. Furthermore, the system is unbalanced. Sonova people simply suck, despite their HP Bonuses.
* No randomness. All battles are fixed. No hoping to meet an Uribo here, folks, each battle gives you the exact same opponents every time.

The Ugly

* that sad, sad battle theme. I end up unplugging the audio cord on the TV whenever I play Hoshigami.

All in all, what went wrong in this game? The thing is that the designers thought people wanted a difficult game, so they made a difficult game. The problem is that they achieve that difficulty through repetitiveness, redundancy and tediousness. On the GameFAQs message boards I read an analogy comparing Hoshigami to Chess. The difference between Hoshigami and Chess is that in Chess, both sides start with the same pieces, and you win or lose based on your own tactical decisions. In Hoshigami, not only does your opponent get more pieces than you, they're all bishops and knights while you're stuck with a platoon of pawns. And you have to play that game of chess some 50 times, without losing, ever.