Sunday, June 27, 2004

Pinoy Culture: Thank God It's Over

...that disgraceful slow-count of an election canvass that is. I can't help but wonder whether anyone actually bothered to follow the last few days of the canvassing on TV...I mean, the proceedings are boring as hell! You know what would have been better for the country as a whole? When I saw a small portion of it, the only thing I could think of was that we should have WWE's The Rock on the National Board of Canvassers! I know he's no Filipino, much less a Senator, but he can be like guest chairman for a day or something. I can see it now...

Rep. Digs Dilangalen: Mr. Chairman, I object to this "Shut up!" note. I demand that the one who sent this note be cited for contempt! This is an outrage!

The Rock: I see. Can you show me this note jabroni?

Digs (fuming, pulls out a piece of paper, approaches the Rock): Here it is Mr. Chair---

The Rock (holds up his hand): Stop right there, jabroni, no need to get close to the Rock.

(Digs stops in his track, obviously peeved.)

The Rock: Tell you what, Mr. "Digs"...this is what we're gonna do. Why don't you take that there note, roll it up real nice, turn that thing sideways...and stick it up your candy ass!

(Senate explodes into chaos)

Or maybe even...

Sen. Tessie Aquino-Oreta: Mr. Chairman, all I'm asking for is a little civility, a little respect. We're rushing through everything and the majority is hardly listening to our opinions...

The Rock: Oh really? Is that what you think, Senator? Is that what you think?

Sen. Oreta: Yes, because we---

The Rock: It doesn't matter what you think!

(All hell breaks loose. Tito Sotto jumps out of the audience and goes for the clothesline; The Rock ducks, then turns around and catches Tito Sotto in a spinebuster. All hell breaks loose. The Rock takes off the Elbow Pad and tosses it into the crowd. Bounces off the first rope, and the second, and hits the People's Elbow on Senator Sotto!)

...or maybe I just watch too much wrestling. Heaven knows it's a lot more entertaining than Philippine politics.

Reminds me of something a friend and I talked about the other day. Since we're obviously not doing so well with elections, we should have a new way of choosing our leaders: trial-by-combat! A DBZ-style fighting tournament (probably at the Araneta Coliseum) to determine who will be the next leader! Hey, at least it would be more entertaining, and FPJ would probably have a much better chance, unless he faces someone like Sonny Parsons

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